As a young man, I was aware that there was something happening in all of my relationships and experiences that I couldn’t explain. It would go something like this: I would see an opportunity for something new, something better, something bigger, something imaginative and creative - beyond what the others around me could see. People would call me crazy. Sometimes people would get upset with me - for creating more work for them, for moving the “goal” or “target” - or for simply always trying to “improve” or make things “sensational!”.
I remember having a conversation with one of my first bosses after college and we were talking about my love of the show “House Hunters” - but I was sharing with him that I was so frustrated because the people on the show often missed amazing opportunities because the countertops weren’t the right color of granite - or the paint on the walls was not to their liking. So they would pick another house. He said to me, “That’s because you always see the potential in a thing, you’re not interested in what is - you’re creative.” I didn’t understand it at the time, but this simple observation would come to mean everything to me as a psychic and as a healer.
So often in our lives we get stuck in the patterns and pictures of the past - past pain, past trauma, past invalidation. Everything starts to look the same - and most of it isn’t to our taste. We enter every new experience already knowing exactly what to expect, exactly what is expected, and exactly what we DON’T want. It’s like a bad episode of House Hunters - every place we go we see someone else’s questionable taste, problems, and our own displeasure.
In a way, a healing is a re-orienting of your attention towards something new, something in movement, something different. Letting yourself be healed is allowing your attention to be moved to a possible future when things are made whole, or in alignment with our spirit – our wants, needs, and desires. It takes active participation and – I hate to say it – a little work on someone’s part to be healed. One must clear through the fog of life, the bad House Hunters episodes, and the judgement of everyone else’s and their choices we are constantly surrounded by to get ourselves to a space where there’s space for something new to happen, to exist, to be created.
I heal because I’ve always had an ability to have my attention on what’s possible, not what’s wrong. For most of my life, I had no idea that’s what healing was - causing movement in energy, creating space, and calling attention to new pictures, reality, or energy. I thought I was just crazy, or insanely risky, or had an inability to be in the sad, depressed, uninteresting present - with everyone else.
For a long long time, I didn’t know what to do with this; I knew that everyone else considered me a “dreamer” with my “head in the clouds” living in a “fantasy world” and I felt very invalidated and punished by others for seeing the incredible possibilities that are always available - and seem to come so natural and easy for me. I’ve learned along the way that sometimes pushing people to see those possibilities and opportunities too aggressively and/or too soon can actually cause them to push back or punish - so it’s an ability, like any, that I’ve had to learn to harness and make work for me rather than against me. You can’t force someone to heal - just like I couldn’t force those folks on “House Hunters” to see the hidden gems they were passing by because they couldn’t see past the old shag rug. The best healers I’ve found wait for just the right moment - and then gently or swiftly move the energy at exactly the right time.
Perhaps the tragedy of our times is the lack of imagination, of looking to new possibilities, new structures, new ways of being and new ways of doing things - in our personal lives and in our communities. We look at other people’s ideas, philosophies, thoughts, ways of living like those picky couples on “House Hunters” - simply judging them for what they have been in, rather than seeing what they could be. We keep looking to the way things were done, have been done, have always been - maybe our real problem as a culture is a lack of imagination, a lack of willingness to heal and then move on to something new. Healing takes imagination, and vulnerability - buying the house because of what it could be, not because of what it is. Taking ownership of the crappy carpets, the outdated wallpaper, and other’s people’s energy in the space we want to occupy - and then changing it. Healing is always about looking to something new, something unexpected, something intangible being made tangible. It might be energy in movement, a new space, a resolution where one was just moments ago irresolute. But then again, maybe we’re waiting for just the right moment to swiftly move the energy along.
I started off this post talking about why I heal - and I think it is because of the gratification I get in being the healer - seeing others benefit from my vision, my creativity, my imagination and ability to move energy - but I also heal because I can’t imagine living any other way. I don’t know that I ever have.