Have you ever created something in your life - a professional project that took a great deal of time, a personal hobby that you pushed out in the world in a pubic way, or even a very personal experience - like singing at karaoke or telling a story onstage in front of others?
If you have, then you know what it's like to handle other people's attention on your most intimate creativity, on your spirit. When you create something, or desire something, and allow that to be seen by others you handle the energy of other's attention - which includes their opinions and judgements (even the positive ones!)
This is a very real thing and the psychic weight of this energy can be terrifying for a sensitive person. The reason this is so charged is because you have a deeply personal relationship to what you are creating - you've invested your energy into it, so it feels personal. Chances are, you've found ways of protecting yourself from attention in this way - hardening yourself, creating a valance of "not caring", hiding behind a different identity like a pen name or stage name, finding ways of getting out of your body while creating, among many other ways that people find to cope with this energy of other people's attention.
Now consider something that is perhaps new - you are your biggest and most important creative project. You are the unification of all of your experiences, activities, thoughts, emotions, expressions and desires. Your very life is a creative act. And what could be more terrifying than exposing this to others? This is why many people have created alternate selves to live in, a life that is manageable and can handle the attention of others, but not the life they desire.
At first, this seems like a great solution - to use your creative energy to form a life experience that protects you from handling this attention on the deepest parts of your spirit. But there's one thing that is more terrifying than the attention of others - and that's the despair of not being able to be yourself.
Soren Kierkegaard said "The deepest form of despair one can feel is in the choice to be other than oneself." The only answer to this dispair is to let the fear of not being yourself become stronger than the fear you feel when others have their attention on your spirit, and expressing who you really are.
For many of us who feel or have felt that something is missing in our life, what we're looking for is this expression of our true selves. Our life's work, which is seperate from "success". You see, while you may be successful in the world, it's possible that you're succeeding at something that protects you or deflects attention from your true self. One's life's work is not necessarily an external or outward expression, tho we may have been attracted to that as a way of protecting ourselves - putting our energy into these creative activities as a way of deflecting this attention. For many of us, our life's work is about going within and connecting to ourselves in the most intimate way - over and over and over again until it becomes our natural state of beingness.
It's a journey for sure; and it takes a special set of circumstances and experiences to not only begin that journey but to stay on it and build the musculature of courage, personal power, and psychic strength to walk it to the end. But what happens at the end is creating from your own energy - not something outside of you, but your own life, and having the psychic strength to be seen in it.
A reading or healing can help create and open communication between your conscious and unconscious mind, your spirit and your body. A class can help create a container whereby you can start or take steps on this journey under the guidance of an experiences and neutral teacher who has been in and through this process for themself, which is helpful!