Above the Temple of Apollo at Delphi, where the Oracle channeled for a thousand years to Kings, Sages, and ordinary folks too - there was inscribed a saying - “Nothing in Excess”.
Part of the 147 Delphic Maxims, these sayings were said to have been given by the Greek god Apollo to the Pythia via the Oracles. The 3rd century doxographer Diogenes Laertius attributed them to the Seven Sages of Greece as did the 5th century scholar Stobaeus. Contemporary scholars, however, hold that their original authorship is uncertain, and that "most likely they were popular proverbs, which tended later to be attributed to particular sages. Perhaps the most famous of these maxims is 'know thyself,' which was the first of three maxims carved above the entrance.
This morning I woke up and was handling an inner storm of resentment, anger and frustration at a professional situation I’ve found myself in for several months. No matter what I did, it wouldn’t clear. No tool seemed to work anymore. I was beside myself! Some Psychic teacher I am!
For the last two weeks, I’ve been meditating, healing, and working my psychic tools on myself in relationship to it; I’ve been becoming conscious to agreements, pain patterns, old pictures and identity drama being stirred up by this particular circumstance and this time and place I found myself in. I’ve been working hard at being super-human; super-psychic. I’ve been refusing to be a victim; owning my participation in this situation, the who’s how’s and why’s of ending up here. I’ve been very, very self-responsible. Capable of withstanding the storm, and in fact, every time the storm stirred - quelling it. I’ve been very good at being responsible both for myself and for others - trying to reign in the energy that I was throwing around, the energy being thrown at me.
But this morning, when I sat down to meditate and clear the bubbling and stewing anger inside of me I had an epiphany - I realized I was over-meditating. The answer was not to calm and clear the storm AGAIN - it clearly would not subside as I had done every day for weeks. The answer was to live in it. To live it. To let it rip.
So I allowed myself to get angry. I allowed myself to say all the things out loud to my colleagues and partners. I realized by “living it” rather than clearing it that the job had not been a good fit for a long time, and I had eroded my own sense of autonomy little by little by being “neutral” about everything, by leaning on my spiritual practice to keep the peace - both within and without - at all costs.
After my outburst of emotion and letting the storm take over for a bit, I felt the sweet release and that “calm after” feeling that we all know so well. It felt like a making whole. It allowed me to find forgiveness for myself and for those who had “wronged” me, it allowed me to find grace again. But, now that the storm had passed, there was the devastation in its wake to clean up. Which is what I had been avoiding, but it was manageable and handleable, since it was true and mine.
I opened up my computer, and found this article in The Atlantic which was a perfect reflection of my experience, which felt like a tremendous hello from spirit - it’s funny how stumbling across the right thing at the right time can be such a validation and a healing. It was like pulling a really resonant tarot card, but instead it was an online magazine article.
Having a spiritual practice is not ever about never letting the world affect you or controlling how it does. Your practice should be the raft you ride when the waters are peaceful, and also when the waves are fierce. But your practice can’t separate you from the waves - what good is a raft that isn’t at sea? That’s what rafts are meant for. Your practice should make you more human, not less. And humans have complicated emotions and responses to things.
“Good vibes only” is never the answer. Because all those experiences, emotions, feelings, thoughts are still there - just bottled up or suppressed. Honesty with yourself and in beingness includes all manner of things - including the unpleasant, rough, and wild. Disavowing the reality of things is what creates dis-ease and illness. It also includes blowing things up. Ending things that aren’t working. Taking a step when everything in you wants to keep the peace. Be superhuman. Be unaffected.