In my sophomore year of high school, a senior told me I looked just like sex.
I was about to go onstage for a school play, and sex was not a part of my role. I was wearing my costume, a similar costume to many of the other girls in the play. But unlike them, I looked like sex. Apparently.
He was actually responding to my own inherent Kundalini energy, naturally present in an adolescent and amped as I was about to go on stage. What he was really saying was “whoa, you’re turned up and you’re turning me on!” I immediately hit all the shame a young woman, turned up, naturally handles. “Turn yourself down. Immediately. Before you embarrass yourself”. Kundalini attracts attention, and one of the first things you might notice is all the shame that goes along with that attention.
But in that one statement, I went from having a conscious and fun inner experience to an outward, self conscious and awkward experience. And it was this outer experience that would define many of the years that followed. I became distinctly aware of the eyes on me. I handled the demand to be perfect so as to live up to that attention, or to give up and hide when I could simply just never be perfect. (I didn’t find out until later on that “perfect” is a lie). All of this led me outside of myself, and to look at myself through the eyes of others.
It took me a while to find that path back in again. And it is a constant lesson, particularly as a healer, as a psychic, and as a teacher.
All of what I do, both professionally and personally, is best experienced when the focus is inward, and working with my Kundalini energy is no different.
In a lot of cultures, and I mean that in a grand sense, Kundalini energy is often experienced in a group setting, or at least in the presence of another, with much of your attention and therefore energy on another person. In ecstatic dance, in the presence of a guru, and yes, during sex. Some of this is conscious, other times it just happens.
But Kundalini can also be a consciously inner experience, one where all of your attention is on yourself and what you are experiencing. It is a mindful experience of becoming more and more aware of yourself, and what might be in the way, that can only happen when your attention is directed inward.
It is in this inward experience where the deep magic happens.
One of the first things that comes up when we direct our attention inward is “am I safe”, which goes right along with “will I be judged”. When you’re not looking out for what’s coming, or looking at yourself through someone else’s eyes, it can be hard to tell, especially if this has been your pattern. This is the advantage of starting to play with this energy in a safe, held environment where no one is judging you. An environment where nothing is expected or demanded of you except that you show up with integrity. That’s the benefit of learning how to access, heal, and run your Kundalini energy in a class setting where the focus is directed inward.
There are a few days left to sign up for Inner Fire: Healing Your Kundalini Energy. Art of the Seer graduates and level 2 students can enroll online here until January 5th.